Post by Mr. Hendrickson™ on Sept 18, 2003 1:14:54 GMT -5
Today I have something I want to say to the one I love and will always love. This is a letter I wanted to give to you but wont as it wont matter really. You are my source of power and my source of air. Angela I love you and nothing in this life, or our past lives together can change that. I hope you read this if you come to this site. I hope you realise this site exists because of you, your passion for our daughter, and our undying, everlasting love of one another. YOu may not be in love with me now but our love will never fade, no one not a new boyfriend or girlfriend can stop it. We one day will be together if we allow ourselves to move ahead. So let me do this so you know what I am thinking right now.
Dear Angela,
The past week we had was something that I wanted for the longest time. SOmething I felt was missing from our relationship when we had one. I feel now as I sit alone in the dark staring off into the distance that I didnt allow myself to love you the way my soul and hearted wanted me to. I pushed you away during our time that I needed to pull you closer to myself. I spent to much time online away from you and Emily and yes now that I have lost the one thing that I love more than anything I realise I was the enemy in our relationship, so to speak the termite that ate away at our already fragile foundation.
Yes I did hit you, pushed you, threatened you and abused you mentally and emotionally as well as physically and I have said I am sorry. I moved on but yet you did alot of that to me to. I mean you and I both now I am not really that stable and thats what we tried to work on so many times and thats when I feel we lost touch of what was really curmbling and thats our relationship as a family.
We had Emily in 2001 and we had problems then too. We had lots of problems. I abused you and you moved away to your mothers house. And yes we broke up for that month and think about it that month was hell on both of us. We wanted it to work and yet I didnt pursue the chance to make it work. Once again I pushed you when I should have pulled. You came back to me after I changed, or so I thought. But that day you called me fromt he hospital after your water breaking all the emoitons all the love all the everything came back to me. I sinned and I cant forget that. I wasnt there when your water broke, I didnt try to be a part of your life when you were pregnant but yet you stayed with me. You showed me that you loved me. I hurt right now as I write this cause I reflect on that day alot. I seen the love in your eyes for me when I held your hand after you gave birth to Emily and you were waiting in the room wanting me and only me. That love that we had then was so overwhelming so passionate so breath taking that love is what I still feel for you and will never lose. I seen those tears roll down your face as all those thoughts ran through your head. I held back my tears cause I didnt know what to think. I didnt know what was to come of it. I didnt know what I had and lost.
We raised a beautiful girl together and now apart. You and I had something that just slowly crumbled to nothing after a while. I abused you again and again mentally, physically and emotionally cause I felt as I was loosing you when in essence I lost you long before. I never tried to communicate with you, I never tried to care really as the internet was too important to me. I felt my friendships to others was more important than with you. They werent I mean friends will always be there but love, true love, soul love will fade if you dont allow it to develop. I may have lost my chance the night I abused you when I found out you had another man a man you talked about alot during our hardest and last months. I hit you, I bruised you I scared you. I understand I was wrong but I didnt stop. My emotions my love for you blinded me and what did I do? I went looking for you after you came to my house and lied to me saying we could try again when it wasnt true.
I went to your moms house with intentions to see Emily thats all not hit your Mike (step dad) in the nose, not to become violent but things did. Like I told you I dont remember much of it. I dont honestly. I feel bad about it cause Mike and your mom and everyone now hate me and I dont like people hating me. I dont like it when people look down on me because of what I did. I ruined us that night when I knew there wasnt a us. But there was still a chance. You and DJ are together now doing what we did before and that hurts me still. We had something special and in my head we still do. I feel that we will never leave eachother's heart but we have you have let me leave yours.
Emily needs a family, strong and proud one at that. I am willing to put the past behind me and move on but I know you dont want to try because you are afraid I will flip out again adn abuse you. Yes I know I would be scared to but realise this Angela, love conquers all bad, love is the force that drives many people and drives me. I am willing to do whatever it takes to show you that I am your soulmate like before. I am willing to do whatever you want to just feel that love from you again.
I need to break out of this shell that I have and do things with you and Emily as a family. I need to gain some respect for people as well as myself. I need ot make friends I need to gain friends adn gain your respect and trust again. Even if it means to swallow my pride as a man and be friends with DJ. I am willing to do that. I dont want to but if it means a chance with you in the future then yes I will do that. Maybe we will become the best of friends or maybe not but who knows. I am willing to go places for you alone to get over my fear of people of the public. I am willing to sacrifice my own pride for you isnt that enough in itself?
Angela I know this is repetative but I want to say this "I love you forever and always, My love is undying, everlasting and forever you will be My Falling Angel". Your spirit, power, love, devotion, your voice, your laugh, your touch, your everything makes me want to become a new man and be with you..I Lance Hendrickson solemly swears my undying love, devotion and passion to you always...Now I will wait to see if my dreams come true and in the end I hope that your love will guide you home to me....The one you will always love...
With tears from my heart, and cries from my soul
With my undying faith and compassion
Your life mate as always,
Lance
I dont know whether or not to show that to her. I mean I dont want to be pushy and I dont want to give up on her. I love her like I said so I am conflicted between two things. I came up with the conclusion that we can be friends now but I still want to hold her hand and kiss her. I dont know I liked the keeping the secret thing but I had to screw it up..But who cares Ill play it off and just be nice, be myself, and do what I have to do to let her trust me again. I am not going to push I am going to release so to speak and let her see what she is missing...
Angela I know you will be reading this and I want to say this...Friends now Lovers later. We need to get to know eachother on the levels and learn from eachother before stumbling into what we had before. I will always love you as more than a friend but I will let that go for now..But I wont allow myself to let it slip completely away. Just so you know..YOU ARE MY SOULMATE!
Dear Angela,
The past week we had was something that I wanted for the longest time. SOmething I felt was missing from our relationship when we had one. I feel now as I sit alone in the dark staring off into the distance that I didnt allow myself to love you the way my soul and hearted wanted me to. I pushed you away during our time that I needed to pull you closer to myself. I spent to much time online away from you and Emily and yes now that I have lost the one thing that I love more than anything I realise I was the enemy in our relationship, so to speak the termite that ate away at our already fragile foundation.
Yes I did hit you, pushed you, threatened you and abused you mentally and emotionally as well as physically and I have said I am sorry. I moved on but yet you did alot of that to me to. I mean you and I both now I am not really that stable and thats what we tried to work on so many times and thats when I feel we lost touch of what was really curmbling and thats our relationship as a family.
We had Emily in 2001 and we had problems then too. We had lots of problems. I abused you and you moved away to your mothers house. And yes we broke up for that month and think about it that month was hell on both of us. We wanted it to work and yet I didnt pursue the chance to make it work. Once again I pushed you when I should have pulled. You came back to me after I changed, or so I thought. But that day you called me fromt he hospital after your water breaking all the emoitons all the love all the everything came back to me. I sinned and I cant forget that. I wasnt there when your water broke, I didnt try to be a part of your life when you were pregnant but yet you stayed with me. You showed me that you loved me. I hurt right now as I write this cause I reflect on that day alot. I seen the love in your eyes for me when I held your hand after you gave birth to Emily and you were waiting in the room wanting me and only me. That love that we had then was so overwhelming so passionate so breath taking that love is what I still feel for you and will never lose. I seen those tears roll down your face as all those thoughts ran through your head. I held back my tears cause I didnt know what to think. I didnt know what was to come of it. I didnt know what I had and lost.
We raised a beautiful girl together and now apart. You and I had something that just slowly crumbled to nothing after a while. I abused you again and again mentally, physically and emotionally cause I felt as I was loosing you when in essence I lost you long before. I never tried to communicate with you, I never tried to care really as the internet was too important to me. I felt my friendships to others was more important than with you. They werent I mean friends will always be there but love, true love, soul love will fade if you dont allow it to develop. I may have lost my chance the night I abused you when I found out you had another man a man you talked about alot during our hardest and last months. I hit you, I bruised you I scared you. I understand I was wrong but I didnt stop. My emotions my love for you blinded me and what did I do? I went looking for you after you came to my house and lied to me saying we could try again when it wasnt true.
I went to your moms house with intentions to see Emily thats all not hit your Mike (step dad) in the nose, not to become violent but things did. Like I told you I dont remember much of it. I dont honestly. I feel bad about it cause Mike and your mom and everyone now hate me and I dont like people hating me. I dont like it when people look down on me because of what I did. I ruined us that night when I knew there wasnt a us. But there was still a chance. You and DJ are together now doing what we did before and that hurts me still. We had something special and in my head we still do. I feel that we will never leave eachother's heart but we have you have let me leave yours.
Emily needs a family, strong and proud one at that. I am willing to put the past behind me and move on but I know you dont want to try because you are afraid I will flip out again adn abuse you. Yes I know I would be scared to but realise this Angela, love conquers all bad, love is the force that drives many people and drives me. I am willing to do whatever it takes to show you that I am your soulmate like before. I am willing to do whatever you want to just feel that love from you again.
I need to break out of this shell that I have and do things with you and Emily as a family. I need to gain some respect for people as well as myself. I need ot make friends I need to gain friends adn gain your respect and trust again. Even if it means to swallow my pride as a man and be friends with DJ. I am willing to do that. I dont want to but if it means a chance with you in the future then yes I will do that. Maybe we will become the best of friends or maybe not but who knows. I am willing to go places for you alone to get over my fear of people of the public. I am willing to sacrifice my own pride for you isnt that enough in itself?
Angela I know this is repetative but I want to say this "I love you forever and always, My love is undying, everlasting and forever you will be My Falling Angel". Your spirit, power, love, devotion, your voice, your laugh, your touch, your everything makes me want to become a new man and be with you..I Lance Hendrickson solemly swears my undying love, devotion and passion to you always...Now I will wait to see if my dreams come true and in the end I hope that your love will guide you home to me....The one you will always love...
With tears from my heart, and cries from my soul
With my undying faith and compassion
Your life mate as always,
Lance
I dont know whether or not to show that to her. I mean I dont want to be pushy and I dont want to give up on her. I love her like I said so I am conflicted between two things. I came up with the conclusion that we can be friends now but I still want to hold her hand and kiss her. I dont know I liked the keeping the secret thing but I had to screw it up..But who cares Ill play it off and just be nice, be myself, and do what I have to do to let her trust me again. I am not going to push I am going to release so to speak and let her see what she is missing...
Angela I know you will be reading this and I want to say this...Friends now Lovers later. We need to get to know eachother on the levels and learn from eachother before stumbling into what we had before. I will always love you as more than a friend but I will let that go for now..But I wont allow myself to let it slip completely away. Just so you know..YOU ARE MY SOULMATE!