John Cena's Raps

[Mr. Hendrickson™]

SmackDown 10/31/02 (the first rap)

Alright stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with a brand new proposition
your position is that of a failure
I'm gonna nail you, to Jamie Noble's trailer
and then I dare you, to run around and cause a scare
give people the shakes, and make them to change their underwear
I'm on top, it's my fault that you're under there.
You want to bare? Have no fault, shave you back hair.
I'm fast, I've got to go, it's been a blast
came out of the locker room, stole Rey Mysterio's mask
Tried to get 'taker's cast, but it was plastic, not my type
Peace, I got to go, I'm off to hotwire his bike.

SmackDown 11/07

I'm John C
my style's smooth, never choppy
#1 Announcer is ME
it ain't Funaki
so Keesh wants to release pieces of his feces?
well when the match is over, he'll taste pieces of my cheek's cheeses
stop, repeat this - I win, I never lose
every single match, I've got a new pair of shoes
which I can use as toys or decoys
how am I gonna lose to the lost member of the Fat Boys?
Hahaha - word life.

SmackDown 12/19

Yo yo
everybody knows that we ninjas in the ancient art of thug-a-nomics.
so you all better to learn to love it, because there's no replacing us
the Buccaneers are queer, I'd rather cheer for the Patriots
Face it, me and B2, a re-arrange
I'm half rapper, I'm half sports-entertainment
You in danger, you from Tampa, I'm from Boston
new law enforcement
like the four horseman
Assortment, you need a cavalry to battle me
I beat you down brutally
and watch you die tragically
I beat your dad's family
I beat you moms
your sister calls me leprechaun
always after my lucky charms [grabs area]
physical storm
prepare to throw down your keys
yea, we back
just like bell bottom jeans

SmackDown 1/2/3

Mess with me, you die slow, and explode,
you wide load.
Your butt looks like twenty miles of bad road
and I'm here to show everybody where I'm coming from.
Your ass looks like two packs of chewed bubble gum.
This battle is over, I know you can't win this.
You spend your time putting buffets out of business.
So please, freeze, you can't hang on these,
I get the dry heaves when I see your cottage cheese.
You got bad knees, plus you're obese.
You're so fat, when you sweat, you sweat grease.
SO please, it's over, don't bother trying,
call back Jared and get on Subway's diet.

SmackDown 2/6

I'm untouchable, straight down to the walk
get your cell phones, 'cause I'm calling out Brock
don't talk about Brock Lesnar, he'll come up here and kill me
Brock Lesnar sucks as bad as the city of Philly
Oversized oaf. His forehead, his jaw. Let me tell what F5 stands for:
fee, fi, fo, fum, oh I forget my name, my brain went dumb, damn I'm numb
You so close clumsy, you couldn't be a cripple in a dance off
You want the next big thing, let me take my pants off
You smart as a third grader that never went to class
and I challenge you next week, so I can kick your ass
Oh, you didn't get that? Let me rewind it for you [rewind?]
I challenge you next week, so I can kick your ass!
Word, Life.

SmackDown 2/13

Spitting that slang? You better think twice
all you know about dogs, is how to make them fry rice
But the thuganomical walks on Friday night!
Brock Lesnar better be ready for the true untouchable
Tonight, Brock Lesnar's getting smoked
Word, life.

SmackDown 2/20

I'd like to take this time to say thank you to Brock.
Shattered my knee on TV, and now I can't walk
It's official, I got crippled by the meathead
But Brock, you left me breathing, when you should've left me for dead
So, I swear John Cena is a name you'll remember
From this point on, I declare war on Brock Lesnar
This is more than a match, this is a total obsession
I'll be watching everything you do twenty four/seven
Forcing you to keep me in the back of your mind,
'cause your brain's so small, I won't be hard to find
I'll break you down, watch your down, and not throw a rope
This is jail, Brock, we inmates - you just dropped the soap!
Word, life.

SmackDown 2/27

Brock:
I see hit here glued to the screen, punching these keys,
watching everything you do on these internet feeds
I download high speed all the files I need
To make your hard drive crash, and to make your face bleed
you can't erase me
I'm gonna make you taste me
I'm a virus; I kill you the next time you face me
I'm jealous, you stole my shot at the brass ring
Everybody knows I'm the next big thing
You all bark, and no bite
you stole my spotlight
I'm the great white hope
You're the great white hype
If you an animal, then I'm going on safari
I'm rocking PlayStation 2, you can't figure out Atari
Look at these eyes, Brock, don't think that I won't shoot you
I'll leave you worthless, like a nerd with no computer
show the world that you can't even walk in my shoes
Your finisher's the F5? Well mine's the FU

SmackDown 3/6

Brock, I'm walking again
I'm back on my feet
And I'm holding down the streets
like a new pair of cleats
sacrificing sleep
so that in a few weeks,
I'll look you in the eyes and unleash the beast
about to prove you,
the unusual
things I can do to you
like take my fist and drive it right through you
I take you down Brock
at any and all costs
I'm megahard
You're microsoft
I'm a heavy hitter
when I stop, I don't back off
the king around here, you just another jack-off
you seen me before, Brock, but never intense,
I'll fill you full of holes, like a chain link fence
Word, life.

SmackDown 3/13

The reason sitting here, waiting for the doc
is the F5 that I took from you, Brock
I don't think you understand what I'm saying
You're gonna hit your knees quicker than a priest
when he's preying
You're the poster child for the birth control pill
You go down faster than a ho, for a five dollar bill
I'm the real Superman, you ain't nothing by Clark Kent
I go for four quarters, you're halftime, like 50 Cent
I'm gonna hang your ass, you're like a Christmas Tree ornament
I'll wack you more times than a masturbation tournament
You get my point now? Before I thought you missed it
I'm a vigara triple shot, you just a limp bizkit
WORD LIFE

Heat 03/30

"Yo, I asked hip for a stiff MC
they said they send me 2,
Fabolous and Jay-Z
But these gangsters didn't want come up
and be on TV
I'm gonna tell all you all
why they wouldn't battle with me
[as Jay-Z] Yo, man, it's Jay-Z, man, I'm fully focused Rocafella, man, I've got my girlfriend, man, I don't need to come to Seattle, I'm the king of New York. 'All I need in this life is me and my girlfriend', Rocafella"
[as Cena] Alright Bonnie, where the hell is Clyde at?
He ducked me like a bitch for a little battle rap!
What do you we me to do man, call out your fiancé?
I'd have a better competition battle rapping with Beyonce!
He's the king of the New York, I'm a kid from the cellar
the only way he stays hard is by rocking another fella!
Sorry that I didn't have that much time to dis you,
I'm focused on Fabolous, he's my real issue.
[to Fabolous] Dude, you need to stick to doing Reebox commercials
he showed up and tapped out after hearing me in rehearsal!
They didn't arrest you for your guns, it's because your rap sucks
Cops charged him with illegally possessing two nuts!
Trade you throwbacks shirts for a skirt, you little whiner
And hike up your skirt, I can see your man-gina!
Want to black ball me? Well at least I got a ballsack!
If they lived at sperm bank, they couldn't get their comeback!
They talk about their ice, and all the girls loving you
the only Bush he's seen is by watching George W.!
I'm a main event playa, these fools in the background
I take over you, and then I take over SmackDown!
They can do a show in their living room and still not sell out
This is the WWE [punches Jay-Z down]
Get the F out!
Yo, it's John Cena, thuganomics, hot as hell
he's just a bad idea, like the X-F-L [Cena kicks Fabolous away]
I main event WrestleMania XX
You see me, you're out of luck
You don't like what I'm saying?
Well I just don't give a fuc-

[Mr. Hendrickson™]

SmackDown 3/27

Yo yo save your breath kid
I'm here for one reason
My targets Brock Lesnar
And it's hunting season
Tonight I teach Brock a lesson Mr. Miagyu did
But he ain't Daniel LaRussa, and this ain't no Karate Kid
Yea, my pants are baggy, because I've been working my ass
Tonight, I put the wax on a kid who only wax off
I'm more a threat than nuclear fallout
tonight's the night, the next big thing gets called out
Word Life, son.

SmackDown 04/03

Stop it, I know what you're thinking.
Next week, my chances of winning,
slimmer than a bus load of anorexic women.
Undertaker, he should be of the Hall of Fame.
But I never give up man, that's why they play the game.
Like Hugh Hefner on Viagra, I ain't back down
Anything can happen, on SmackDown
Dead Man make me famous? I'm gonna Undertake him
I ain't behind the eight ball dude. I'm gonna rack him and break him
I'll shock the world, I make the Dead Man fall
And leave him like a clear pool table, with no balls

SmackDown 04/10

Yo, it's the new rookie phenomena
I'm changing the guard
Dead Man Inc. is bankrupt
I'm reposing his Yard!
Yea he's a big dog, and I'm pup
but I bark this
for him to beat me tonight
he needs an army full of darkness!
Yo, yo, you can't take me
because if you do I'll trash this
I hope Paul Bearer's got a new urn
to bury your ashes!
I'm worse than the Chicago Fire
I'll burn your whole town
I got Chicago running scared
I turn your White Sox brown
Yo, I'm a strong as a muscle car
And this ain't my last ride
I'll leave you like Chicago when Jordan left
stripped of your pride
Yo, my practice is power-pratic
do not break your back
so you're a Dead Man?
I'm a necrophiliac!
WORD LIFE

SmackDown 04/17

Yo yo yo, Chris Benoit I hope you're listening
Don't you ever tell me who can and can't respect
You wind up in surgery with another broken neck
At least you all set when you get your release
Whenever you go broke, rent the space between your teeth
No, you don't like what I'm saying, I don't care, you get flipped off
Don't ever judge me, dude, you're just a Dynamite rip-off
Yo, you's a Rabid Wolverine, but you missed a fang
I tie string to acorns, so I can let my [bleep] hang
You ready to settle this? Then come on out fight me.
I ain't allergic to your rabies, dog! Go ahead and bite me [grabs area]

SmackDown 04/24

Brock, talking to you is like talking to caveman
I'd be better of drawing with sticks in the sand
You're soft Brock. You Ben Gay like ointment
Yea, you own the title - world's biggest disappointment!
When a knife and a dictionary, you still couldn't cut a promo right
I'm a new Big Thing, dude, you ain't even a Prototype
I told you payback's coming, so get ready to tape and tuck
You careless? Well, I'm fearless, and I just don't give a ---

SmackDown 05/01

Man, I got screwed at Backlash, so I'm out here to discuss this
I won that match, it was a miscarriage of justice!
Everybody saw it, Brock was tapping to my headlock
Hell, I beat Brock like the Mets [shirt] beat the Red Sox
You, I had him busted wide open, exposing all his weak spots.
All he had on me was a few fricking cheap shots
And Everybody saw, man, the ref was my downfall
He was missing calls like Bill Buckner misses ground balls
Not only did I beat Brock, I made him quite
And I got no respect for that piece of [shit]

SmackDown 05/08

so tonight, John Cena's got to fight a Rhinoceros
I'll rip out his crotch and make him see a gynecologist
Half man and half beast - is that supposed to impress me?
Man, my fist will swell your face - you'll be the white Dizzy Gillespie
I bet you fans think that Rhyno's going to give me the gore
I'll beat his ass so sore, it's like he did a prison tour [loud]
Yo, this is thuganmoics - I excel beyond sports
He rocks a horn on his head, I rock a horn in my shorts [loud]
And to that kid Spanky, imitating my flows?
I'm glad I broke his nose and ripped off his friggin' clothes
He had the whole crowd chanting "Cena Sucks" [crowd chants]
You think I do? Because I just don't give a ----
SmackDown 05/15
I will squash Mr. America. V-Mac, please pick me.
I'll change him back to the Hulk so quick, you'd think his name is Bill Bixby.
And then at Judgment Day, you can throw away that patriotic masked man.
Don't recycle Hulkamania; throw it in the trash can.
And Chris Benoit? You think I let your crossface hurt me?
I cross your face with steel chains - I throw you back like my jersey.
Have you wrapped you up with so many bandages, they'll think you're Saudi Arabian.
Instead of the Canadian Crippler, you'll just be a Crippler Canadian.
Yo, I can't skate, but I still play with my pucks and stick.
I have them call you John Bobbit because I cut of your [...]
Word Life

SmackDown 05/22

Hey yo Spanky
Dude, you're just a copy cat of me
I've been watching your progression
Kid's got an obsession with trying to steal my Ruthless Aggression
In his first match against Kurt Angle, he took him to the limit
The next minute, he's rocking velours, claiming that's HIS gimmick?
Dude, he's exactly like me.
Oh no no no, I'm ten times bigger.
You want to be me so bad?
You're smaller than my action figure
But you'll never be untouchable
I don't care how hard you try to
Dude, I served you quicker
than a Burger King drive thru
And with a name like "Spanky"
Dude, he never gets a date
He's always arguing in groups
because all he does is masturbate
So I'm past you, little Rascal
You and your kiddy tricks
You want to spank something?
Dude, go home, spank on your []

Velocity 05/31

Yo yo yo chill chill chill chill
Hey hey
Hey I'm preaching thuganomics on Velocity
We're taking over the green screen
John Cena and Saturday Night
You couldn't find a better team
But I'm frustrated.
We're underrated
We got the best show in the world
I mean Cat's always calling his momma
And Josh? He ain't never kissed a girl
Hey hey - but that's okay you pipsqueak
I'm here to save you this week
And my johnson is longer than a Joe DiMaggio hit streak
After the show
We cooking out in the Hibachi
Drinking full bottles of sake
I'm battle rapping with Funaki!
All the censors hate me
And the parents can't believe me
Cause the kids throw up the double horns
after seeing me on TV
Whether you like me or hate me
there's no way you can ignore me
They don't let me curse on TV
I'll have the crowd curse for me
You attack me
It's like acne
I pop you like a zit
'cause when you're untouchable
You don't take no []

SmackDown 06/05

Man, all this talk, this Cruiserweight,
this Rey Mysterio this, this Matt Hardy that
these flying cruiserweights, they don't deserve a second look.
It's like the Haiti Kid beating up on Lord Littlebrook
And they're so light in the pants, they should be transvestites
I got more hits on the mic then free porno websites
I got kids carving double horns on their bathroom stall
I ain't in this for the money - LeBron James took it all.
And Chris Benoit, yea you got fans, but I don't respect you
The only Wolverine I see is in X-Men 2
And I beat up any preppy punk wearing Abercrombie and Finch
I sign his autograph first, then run away with his []

SmackDown 06/12

I'm that ill cat with more cork in his bat than Sammy Sosa
I'm too ghetto for merchandise so kids make their own posters.
Orlando fans are in the stands throwing up them double hands
After the show, Michael Cole's going to chase some boy bands.
Tazz, calm down your man, you got to slow him down
He's got those weird posts of 'NSYNC and he's falling in love with O-Town
Funaki-san, reconsider. I'm more than you can handle, bro
I'll cut your two toned mullet and kick you dead in the camel toe [Funaki checks]
You should go back to announcing, this whole match is a waste, man
I need to you wrestle you, you're choking yourself with your waist band.
I ain't from Orlando, but I got the magic stick
That means I'm representing your city when I grab my []

Velocity 06/22

Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
I dominate Saturday Nights
From the second I hit the green screen
to wearing thongs and phony afros
on Confidential with Mean Gene
Hospitals are packed with wrestling fans
They're getting Saturday Night Fever
I'm scared of getting Mad Cow
that's why all I eat is beaver
And yo, I'm the best thing
you can see on weekends
Josh, you were scaring me backstage
doing those naked deep knee bends
Yo, yo yo, you stole my still last week
that's the reason I got hot, bro
I'm the best poetic genius
since Leapin' Lanny Poffo
Yo, I'm so - I'm so over the top
I'm giving censors fits
Forget the match, let's go to Hooters
so we can grab some []

[Mr. Hendrickson™]

SmackDown! 07/03

Undertaker's spreading them lies to Orlando Jordan,
It’s not your yard. It’s a prison bro, and I’m the warden.
You can’t see me? I’m a legend, you should pay me some respect,
And if you’re late on paying me, I’m gonna come and collect.
So now I wrestle Mr Ass, the dude who likes to suck it,
Torrie's a cover-up bro, we know you take it in the bucket.
Hey, I’m not nervous cause you got this weird fetish with butts,
I’m scared because your favorite food is sausage and nuts.
You can’t handle the truth Billy, you’d rather feel up Chuck,
You don’t want to wrestle with me, all you want is to []

SmackDown! 07/10

Yo Yo Yo Oh ho. [Cena chant distracts him] Yo.
You forgetting John Cena
You got rocks in brain
Your gold was Out in '96
You need sport a steel chain
Now, now, you and Brock are close friends
And Big Show, he needs a bra
That's not a triple threat match
Kurt, that's a ménage a trios
And when you all wrestle
they'll be a empty arena
the main event at Vengeance
Is Undertaker/John Cena
Yo, you're not better than me Kurt
You're not even my equal.
I'm like Terminator 3
You're like Legally Blond sequel
It makes me sick
when you come out here and run your mouth
We in the Great White North
but you can bite white south
-----
You can't see me, dawg
Yo, you couldn't find two lines to rhyme if your brain had Lowjack
How am I gonna get out battled
by a wannabe Kojak.

SmackDown! 07/17

What? You was expecting someone else? Now you going hate on me? That's out. 'kay I shake you right, that's out, 'kay I'm on fire right now, you heard
You need to listen up, Undertaker
See, I've been watching you,
ever since you debut as dead man
you're full of more crap
then a supersized bed pan
And this whole thing is a front, man
you were never deceased
You'd drive from funeral to funeral
just to hit on the priest
I heard rumors on you, dawg
you used to hit on men often
I two wayed Paul Bearer
He said you shared the same coffin!
You was never a dead man
the whole time you were fakin'
and you beat John Cena?
You gravely mistaken
See, you old news, dawg
fans won't even miss you
you ain't a dead man
you just a dead issue
and at Vengeance
I'm gonna prove the big dawg is all bark
i'm gonna claim the territory
right on the mark.
word life [as he shoots a water bottle on the grave - wait no]
----
Zach can't beat you, [my sound goes out]
He just like Ted Turner, he ain't no competition!
And the fact that he got a contract is completely pathetic
Forget about his leg, his whole career is prosthetic
Yo, this kid is crazy, he's a circus freak, half his body is plastic
He should do both of us a favor, hop his ass into traffic
Now, I guess, I guess we both got handicap matches at Vengeance, it seems
I'm fighting a Dead Man, you're fighting Christopher Reeves
Yo, yo, this kid is half-assed, you're gonna knock off his block
What's better than a one legged wrestler? Being able to walk!
That's right, you do your thing playa, you do your thing

SmackDown! 07/24

Yo yo yo yo yo yo
Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt you Steph
I had this dream about you last night
You had me standing at attention
I can't wait to see you catfight
[distracted by breasts - Stephanie corrects his gaze]
Oh, sorry, I lost my concentration
I was looking at your...targets?
And at Vengeance
hopefully I find out if the curtain match the carpet
No, I mean, I be glued to the boob tube
No, you gonna beat Sable completely
You're making each one of my five girlfriends jealous [hand]
each one of them wants to beat me [fist]
You and Sable fighting?
That's good for my health
Something about you
makes me keep in touch with my...self
Hey, hey, no that's okay, okay. Here's $20,
please rip Sable's top off
I got this fetish with nipples
I'll definitely get my rocks off
And Sable's just a ho
You're a Diva with class
Nobody's watching us, Steph
why don't you let me smack that [Ass]
----
Somewhere in the dark, John Cena raps with a torch in his hand
Yo Undertaker
You say I got to learn the hard way
I got a PH. D in Thuganomics
I know everything there is to know
I know we should put you out to pasture
have a seat on the porch
you scared to death
to pass this living legend the torch
changing to Lucifer
after dead man in a casket
you mess with me
I put you to hell in a hand basket
talking hellfire
telling people you devil
you a flamer, punk
and you not on my level [panning back and up to reveal a pentagram in flames]
You can't sacrifice me
my name ain't Mideon
I go Waco on your ass
like a Branch Dividian
Telling people you devil
yelling 666
I claim heavenly Vengeance
and make you my [Bitch]

SmackDown! 07/31

Right now, we're about to go rap thuganomics, one thug to another. I got to let these people know what's up.
You see, at Vengeance, everybody that Cena failed the test.
But it was Undertaker who left the arena a bloody mess!
Yeah yeah yeah, he's sitting at home, I'm standing here, okay?
And I'm demanding a rematch on SmackDown next Thursday!
He's a big coward, and I guarantee he's a no show.
He's too busy hitting on those rookies, trying to get a low blow.
oh oh oh no no - I've seen him and Orlando, and with their flirting, there's no ignoring
He may have a match with me, but he's beating Orlando Jordan
Hey, I don't know what you're doing right now, but it's more than likely
You got your grubby mitts down Orlando's tighty whiteys!

SmackDown! 08/07

Yo yo Undertaker, Undertaker, yea yea yea
You beat me at Vengeance.
That's oh (shoulder brush) kay You didn't stop me.
I'm still talking smack and backing it up. I'm the white Muhammed Ali
and you're just jealous, because you didn't get your hands on my python
well, Dead Man Inc as broke as Mike Tyson
And I'm gonna make this statement: John Cena's amazing
Y'all can't see me, my flow's sicker than AIDS patients
Yea, I broke your ribs, now I break your reputation
I leave you on the wrong side of a Kobe Bryant violation *
I'm a real main eventer. You just a counterfeit
I'll stick your head up your [bleep], you can suck your own ...