Post by Mr. Hendrickson™ on Jul 26, 2003 22:41:58 GMT -5
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which
activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this
iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"
and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably could read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth
thinking about)!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to
put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber
took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in
fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
(Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out
himself.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder
block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window
was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am
flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said the couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter
coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which
activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this
iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"
and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably could read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth
thinking about)!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to
put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber
took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in
fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
(Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out
himself.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder
block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window
was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am
flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said the couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away
